There’s a certain kind of ad that stalks the late-night corners of the internet:

“Answer 10 PhD-level sexual questions and discover your rare sexual role.”

PhD-level? Please. If a degree in kink is on the table, Saint Dirty Face™ has already written the damn syllabus. The truth is, most of us don’t need a test to know our archetype—we’ve been living it, sweating it, and swearing by it since the first time we discovered handcuffs fit better on wrists than in police reports.

So let’s cut through the clinical language and get dirty where it counts: in the roles we play when the lights are low, the rope is tight, and trust tastes better than whiskey.

The Rare Sexual Roles (According to No Textbook Ever Written):

The Scholar of Sin™ – You read the Kama Sutra, not for enlightenment, but to find new ways to pull a muscle. You annotate in the margins like it’s grad school. The Altar of Chaos™ – Blindfolds? Ropes? Candles? You’re the ritual, baby. Everyone else is just hoping they survive the sermon. The Wolf in Chains™ – You only kneel to rise higher. Submissive isn’t your weakness—it’s your weapon. The Architect of Pain™ – You’ve drawn more knots than an Eagle Scout on meth. Your blueprint is desire, and every line ends in sweat. The Trickster of Flesh™ – You’re the dirty punchline everyone still moans about. Toys? Tools? Oh, you’ve got jokes.

The Test Is Rigged

You don’t need 10 questions to figure this out.

The only exam worth taking is the one written on your lover’s skin. And the grading curve? Easy:

Did they crawl back for more? A+. Did you leave bite marks that could be mistaken for stigmata? Honors. Did you both laugh, cum, and nearly break the bedframe? Welcome to tenure.

Final Lesson

Your sexual archetype isn’t hiding in a Buzzfeed quiz. It’s hiding in you—waiting for the right night, the right hands, the right soundtrack. (Zeppelin, Nine Inch Nails, or hell, even Barry White if you’re twisted enough to turn camp into kink.)

So forget the multiple-choice test. The only question worth asking is this:

Are you brave enough to live your role?

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Saint Dirty Face™

Stay Dirty, Stay Dangerous™

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