by Saint Dirty Face™
Let’s be honest — we live in a golden age of absolute nonsense dressed in digital enlightenment.
Every scroll, there’s a new prophet broadcasting from a basement lit by LED strips and Mountain Dew residue, telling us the moon is fake, birds are drones, and the government is storing our dreams in a server farm under Disneyland.
I mean, damn. Back in my day, a good conspiracy theory had production value.
You had grainy VHS tapes, late-night radio, and some guy in a trench coat whispering,
“They don’t want you to know about the lizard council in Luxembourg.”
Now? Everyone’s got a TikTok account, a ring light, and an affiliate link for brain detox tea.
🔺 The Pyramid Scheme of Truth
Conspiracy theories used to unite us — nothing says community like a forum thread about secret moon bases and alien diplomacy.
But somewhere between “Epstein’s ghost haunts crypto” and “5G turns frogs bisexual,” the genre went corporate.
Now it’s a subscription service.
You don’t research anymore — you subscribe to enlightenment.
You don’t uncover the truth — you buy the merch.
“Wake up, sheeple,” says the guy wearing a $49.99 “WAKE UP SHEEPLE™” hoodie he bought from his own site.
👁️🗨️ The Algorithm Is the New Illuminati
Here’s the wild part — the real conspiracy is the algorithm itself.
You start with a harmless video on “ancient aliens,” and two hours later you’re convinced the Pope is an android built by Tesla stockholders.
It’s like the Matrix — but powered by your attention span and your aunt’s Facebook comments.
The algorithm doesn’t care what you believe.
It just wants to keep you angry enough to scroll but not angry enough to leave.
That’s not mind control. That’s marketing.
🧃 Detox the Mind, Not Just the Colon
Look — believe whatever keeps your chakras aligned.
Just remember: the deeper you go, the weirder it gets.
Today it’s “microchips in vaccines.”
Tomorrow it’s “gravity is a hoax funded by Big Round Earth.”
The real awakening?
Learning to say, “I don’t know,” without turning it into a religion.
🧠💥 The Saint Dirty Face™ Theory of Everything
Here’s my take:
The government’s not hiding aliens. They’re hiding how bad the Wi-Fi is at Area 51. Chemtrails? Just Delta Airlines trying to spell “Help” in the sky. The moon landing? Faked — not by NASA, but by Stanley Kubrick’s understudy who really needed the exposure. And the lizard people? Buddy, that’s just customer service on a Monday.
So what’s the truth?
Maybe the real conspiracy is that the system needs you distracted — arguing about reptilians while billionaires colonize Mars and rent your soul for $7.99 a month.
The rest?
It’s just noise in surround sound.
Stay curious.
Stay skeptical.
And most importantly…
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Saint Dirty Face™
[Stay Dirty, Stay Rebellious™]
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