Ever had someone talk to you like you’re not a person—but a vending machine they’re trying to hack?

That’s not charm. That’s manipulation. And the worst part? It’s rarely even original. These are recycled tricks people read off bathroom-stall psychology memes.

Here’s the dirty seven:

1. Make Them Smile

“Let me butter you up before I stab you with my request.”

Translation: fake clown grin before asking for your wallet, your secrets, or your soul.

2. Use Your Name Often

“Robert, don’t you agree, Robert? You’re so smart, Robert.”

If someone says your name more than a barista does—run. They’re trying to Pavlov-bell your brain into obedience.

3. Stay Quiet After a Question

They drop a question, then sit there in silence like a creepy ventriloquist doll.

Most people panic-fill the void with confessions. Don’t. Just lock eyes and let them sweat.

4. Repeat Your Words Back

“Oh, so you hate Mondays? Yeah, I hate Mondays too.”

Groundbreaking. Next they’ll be finishing your sentences like an underpaid improv partner.

5. Share a Harmless Secret

“I once stole a grape from the grocery store.”

Suddenly you’re spilling your darkest trauma like you’re on a confessional reality show. Nope. That’s bait. Don’t take it.

6. Act Slightly Distracted

They pretend they’re sooo busy just so you’ll chase harder. Pro tip: don’t chase. Let them be distracted by their own reflection.

7. Let You Correct Them

They’ll purposely mess up something small—like your birthday—so you feel clever for correcting them. That “win” is fake, a cheap magician’s trick while the real con happens offstage.

The Bottom Line

If someone pulls these moves on you, congratulations—you’ve met a second-rate hustler with Wi-Fi.

Real connection doesn’t need games. Real connection is messy, honest, and maybe a little dangerous. But it’s real.

Saint Dirty Face Says

You don’t need tricks to own the room.

You need guts. You need honesty. You need the stones to walk away when someone tries to play you like a scratched-up record.

Stay dirty. Stay dangerous. And never, ever let some cheap manipulator rent space in your head.

Peace & Love, bitches.

—Saint Dirty Face