Look, some folks read How to Win Friends and Influence People. Me? I read How to Haunt Their Thoughts Rent-Free.

Here’s your Monday PSA: if you’re gonna be stuck in society’s little circus, you might as well keep the monkeys guessing.

5. The Compliment With Teeth

Tell someone, “You look great today.”

Then, lean in and add: “You don’t hear that often, do you?”

Boom. That’s not kindness, that’s a landmine. They’ll be checking mirrors all day wondering if you meant it or if you just tattooed insecurity on their soul.

4. The Predator Stare

In a group conversation, pick your victim. Lock eyes. Don’t blink. Don’t smile.

Everyone else is chatting, but you’re channeling the spirit of a crow perched on their tombstone.

Eventually, they’ll look away—because primal fear doesn’t lie. And then? They’ll wonder why the hell you were looking at them like they just confessed to something.

3. Emotional Sniper Fire

When someone comes at you hot—loud, angry, chest puffed—don’t raise your voice. Step close. Too close. Hold their gaze.

Wait three beats. Whisper: “Why are you so emotional right now?”

Congratulations, you’ve flipped the script. They were the aggressor, now they’re the crazy one. It’s not just a mind game—it’s psychological waterboarding with a smirk.

2. The Forehead Mystery

When someone’s talking, don’t look them in the eyes. Instead, fixate on their forehead like it’s broadcasting secret alien coordinates. Smile. Just a little.

Watch them slowly disintegrate mid-sentence, checking if there’s mustard, blood, or an invisible horn sprouting. They’ll never recover their confidence again.

1. The Lip Curse

This one’s dark magic. Tell someone: “Don’t you hate when people lick their lips too much?”

Then shut up. Nine out of ten people will instantly lick their lips—proving they’re nothing but puppets wired with cheap strings.

You? You’re the puppeteer, Saint Dirty Face, making marionettes out of mortals.

Final Thought

The moral of the story?

Kindness is cool. But sometimes, chaos is cooler.

So go forth, sprinkle doubt, and make Monday just a little weirder.

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Saint Dirty Face™

Stay Dirty, Stay Rebellious™

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