Category: Saint Dirty Face™ Science / Dark Humor / Biochemical Bedtime Stories

People talk about “seed retention” like it’s some sacred Jedi art form.

Meanwhile, science just quietly slides in through the back door whispering,

“Actually, my dude, that stuff’s pH-balancing, hormone-boosting, and low-key mood-stabilizing.”

So yeah — turns out semen isn’t just baby gravy.

It’s a full-blown wellness elixir with boundary issues.

🧠 What People Think It Does

Just gets a woman pregnant. Only matters during ovulation. Has no purpose outside reproduction. Is neutral, messy, or irritating. Doesn’t affect a woman’s health.

Basically, most folks treat it like printer ink — use once, replace when empty, and pretend it’s not expensive.

💋 What It Actually Does (According to Science, Not Reddit)

Brace yourself, sinner — this one’s dripping with irony.

Semen actually helps:

Alkalinize vaginal pH, reducing irritation and Candida overgrowth. Deliver nutrients like zinc, selenium, and calcium that nourish tissue. Modulate immunity and reduce inflammation. Calm immune reactivity through prostaglandins (yep, biology’s chill pills). Stimulate cervical mucus and support microbial balance. Promote healing in cases of chronic irritation or BV. Boost mood via oxytocin, aka “nature’s anti-depressant.” Lower cortisol, reduce stress, and promote deep sleep. Reflect a man’s overall health, which means his wellness literally influences hers.

Basically, semen’s out here multitasking like a mom with five kids and a Starbucks addiction.

⚡ So What’s the Takeaway, Brother?

Every time someone says “men’s health doesn’t matter,” remind them — it literally spills over into someone else’s.

Healthy man = healthier partner.

That’s not romance. That’s biochemistry with benefits.

So take care of your zinc, your hydration, and your peace of mind.

Because somewhere out there, science just confirmed that your wellness isn’t private — it’s community service.

🩶 Final Benediction (from Saint Dirty Face):

Semen: not just for making babies — apparently it’s out here moonlighting as a therapist, supplement, and stress-reduction guru.

God really said,

“Here, mix science with sin, and see what happens.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Saint Dirty Face™

[Stay Dirty, Stay Human™]

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––