Look, nobody told us adulthood was gonna feel like a comedy skit written by our digestive tract. You hit 40, 50, 60… and suddenly the body that used to crush tequila shots, power through hangovers, and bounce off bar fights decides to betray you like Judas with a coupon book.

So let’s talk survival. The real Ten Commandments of midlife? Nah—just three. The holy trinity of rules that keep your dignity (and your pants) intact:

1. Never Pass a Bathroom 🚽

Youth: “I’ll wait ‘til I get home.”

Age: “If there’s porcelain, I’m pulling over.”

The older you get, the more every bathroom door looks like the gates of heaven. Gas station, dive bar, shady taco stand—you don’t gamble. You go.

2. Don’t Waste a Hard-On 🍆

Listen, after 40 they show up like rare Pokémon. If it’s there, it’s go-time. Don’t save it for later—there is no later. Respect the biology, salute the moment, seize the day (and whatever’s nearby).

3. Never Trust a Fart 💨

This one separates the rookies from the veterans. If you even hesitate for a second—congrats, you’ve reached elder wisdom. Because what sounds like a whisper of freedom could be a full-on betrayal that ruins your jeans and your reputation.

So there it is. Life distilled down to three rules. Forget stock tips, wellness coaches, or miracle creams. Just follow these, laugh when you fail, and carry extra underwear in your glove box.

Saint Dirty Face™ says:

Stay Dirty, Stay Human™