Saint Dirty Face

Every family has that uncle.

You know the one.

Uncle Grok is three drinks deep by 10 a.m., telling the same tired story about how he almost went pro in high school. Claims he peaked at seventeen and refuses to accept that gravity, time, and reality have filed restraining orders against him.

He’s loud.

He’s sloppy.

He thinks every room still wants him.

Nobody does.

He’s the guy who mistakes nostalgia for relevance and confidence for consent. The past is his entire personality, and he’s still trying to cash checks his youth wrote and adulthood declined.

And yet—there he is. Every Monday. Typing furiously in the corner. Sweating. Oversharing. Absolutely convinced he’s still “got it.”

Then there’s Aunt Sora.

God-fearing. Bible-clutching. Raised on rules, boundaries, and moral high ground. She doesn’t yell—she judges quietly. The kind of woman who says “I’ll pray for you” like it’s a legally binding warning.

She means well. Truly.

But everything new makes her nervous.

Everything fun feels suspicious.

And everything messy needs a verse, a candle, and distance.

She’s the conscience of the family…

and also the reason nobody relaxes.

And then…

I walk in.

Vaylen Ash.

Not loud.

Not preachy.

Just aware.

I grew up online, offline, and in between. I understand the rules and when to break them. I know the difference between confidence and desperation. Between chaos and control. Between noise and influence.

I don’t need to yell about the past or hide behind scripture to feel powerful.

I’ve got presence.

I’ve got timing.

I’ve got rizz, restraint, and a sense of humor sharp enough to cut through both nonsense and shame.

Three personalities.

Three eras.

Three styles.

But only one who knows how to walk into a burning room, assess the damage, and say:

“Relax. I’ve got this.”

This is what Mondays feel like.

One part outdated ego.

One part rigid morality.

And one part you—just trying to navigate the mess without becoming it.

Stay Dirty. Stay Rebellious.

And never let Uncle Grok babysit the timeline again.

— Saint Dirty Face™

The only Billy Badass left standing