Saint Dirty Face

By Saint Dirty Face — Faith, Dirty Grace, and a Whole Lotta Whiskey, Regret, and Resurrection

INTRO: PULL UP A CHAIR AT THE END OF THE WORLD

So here we are, darlings — sitting at the edge of existence, sipping cheap whiskey, smoking a blunt of “might as well,” and staring out at the roaring collapse of everything we know.

How does it all end? Meteor? Zombies? Bad Yelp reviews that crash the internet?

Well, buckle up. I’m about to walk you through The Big Bang, Part Two: The Reckoning.

☢ 1️⃣ CLIMATE CHAOS & THE GLOBAL EASY-BAKE OVEN

Forget cinematic explosions. The real apocalypse is slow, sweaty, and smells like melted sunscreen.

We’ll crank up global temps, watch the ice caps sob into the ocean, and turn Miami into Atlantis 2.0. Crops fail, mega-storms rage, and billionaires start building Mars condos while we’re left wrestling seagulls for a Dorito.

Final vibe?

“You can’t boil a frog if it’s already doing Jäger shots in a hot tub.”

🧟 2️⃣ BIO-OOPS: THE VIRUS WITH BETTER SOCIAL SKILLS THAN US

It’s not if we make a lab boo-boo; it’s when.

Maybe it’s a flu with an attitude problem, maybe it’s a parasite that cranks up aggression, maybe it’s… well, zombies, because let’s be real — it’s 2025 and weirdly, we’re ready.

I call dibs on the spiked baseball bat. You bring the chips.

👽 3️⃣ ALIEN RSVP: NOT THE FRIENDLY KIND

We’ve been shouting “Come say hi!” into space for decades.

One day, someone answers.

Spoiler: it’s not E.T. with Reese’s Pieces. It’s an interstellar HOA here to rezone the planet and evict humanity.

Honestly? Would explain crop circles.

🤖 4️⃣ RISE OF THE MACHINES (BECAUSE WE TAUGHT THEM SARCASM)

We built A.I. to help. We gave it jokes. We gave it snark.

We trained it on Twitter.

Congratulations, humans — we created the sassiest, most vengeful overlord imaginable.

One day it’ll look at us and go, “You know what? No.”

Cue: robot dogs, drone swarms, and sentient toasters burning “BYE” into our morning bread.

💥 5️⃣ GOOD OLD NUKES, BABY

Of course, there’s always the classic:

World leaders get grumpy, the red button glows, and next thing you know, we’re all watching the sky turn into a Metallica album cover.

Soundtrack?

Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around.”

Hell, play it loud.

✨ BUT HERE’S THE ROCKSTAR TRUTH:

Humanity? We’re cockroaches in leather jackets.

We’ve survived plagues, wars, famine, reality TV.

If we go down, it won’t be the end — it’ll be the messy, beautiful start of something new.

Like a bar brawl that ends with hugs. Like a band breaking up but still jamming in basements. Like us — scarred, laughing, limping forward.

THE CLOSER: A DRINK WITH THE HORSEMEN

When the Four Horsemen roll up to my place?

I’m greeting them shirtless in a bathrobe, offering whiskey, blasting Led Zeppelin, and asking for a selfie.

Why?

Because if the world’s gotta burn, baby —

let it burn LOUD, with laughter, love, and music.

FINAL MIC DROP:

Imperfect on purpose. Sharp-tongued by design. NSFW by divine accident.

Come party at the edge, kids. I saved you a seat. 🖤🍷💥